is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Floor bacon is actually really good
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
