Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
