you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
COCAINE IS GR8
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
