Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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