Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
