Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
