she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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