She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
