he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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