why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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