My liver just broke up with me...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
