So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
