I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
