In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
