VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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