we're chasing vodka with high fives
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
