Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
In other news, I just burned my penis
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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