i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You have to summon your inner elephant
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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