Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
