I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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