Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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