john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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