Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize