would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
