Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
