i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
