nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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