Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
