Where is the hickey?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
