Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
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I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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