you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
