rhymes with "ouble enetration"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
