Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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