I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
