You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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