K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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