she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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