Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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