I wish my penis had an off switch
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
This beer is not sobering me up at all
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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