Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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