I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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