No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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