is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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