I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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