We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
