please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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