I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
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And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
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Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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