explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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