I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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