well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Randomize
