singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
