Screwed.edu
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
