Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
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It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
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Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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