so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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