if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
