In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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