I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
