the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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