Barsexuality is the new black.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
