He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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